Author: Rita Moritz - Blog Post for May 22, 2017
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A Way in the Wilderness Blog Post

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God will make a way even where there seems to be no way.
"I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert."
Isaiah 43:19


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May 22, 2017:    

Realize from the beginning that you will not always understand.
#trustGodinthedark #RitaMoritz
Isaiah 55:8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.”

I was that (probably extremely annoying) child who always wanted to understand the “why” of things. Why did I need to do an assignment when I already understood the concept? Why was washing baseboards part of spring cleaning? Why couldn’t I…? Well, you get the idea.

As an adult, I still want to know the “why” of things. What’s the motive behind someone’s actions? Why would someone be purposely unkind, even cruel? Why would a spouse walk out on a marriage or kids begin to act out in destructive ways? Why would a precious, faithful Christian, who loves the Lord, have one terrible thing after another happen in their life?

I seldom have answers to those questions, and I’ve had some losses that seemed to scream the question, “Why?” The greatest of those losses was when my oldest son Buddy had a heart attack on December 19, 2016. After fighting in ICU for three days, he died. I don’t ever say, “Buddy passed.” He didn’t take a test. He died. And I was faced with the most soul-wrenching grief I’ve ever experienced in my life.

It’s important to say here “recovery” doesn’t mean you “get over” something. There are some wounds that will not heal until we pass from this life into eternity. Losing my son is one of those. Your wounds may be equally as devastating. When we experience a hurt or a loss that terrible, sometimes the best you and I can do is to learn how to walk in a world that is forever changed. That too is recovery.

Choosing a path of recovery isn’t easy, but it becomes doable if we realize from the beginning that we won’t always understand. How could we? As I stood beside my son’s bed in ICU, my mind raced with questions for which there seemed to be no answers.

Why now, when my precious prodigal had “come home?” Why now when he was doing a living amends by investing in the lives of men in early recovery? Why now when there were still so many broken relationships that needed to be healed? Why now when he was only 49 years old? As I begged God to take me instead and to let my son recover, I also asked God why He took my son in the prime of his life when his children needed him.

As the doctors and nurses tried to gently share the brutal truth that Buddy was not going to recover, I asked if perhaps they were wrong. I saw the answer in their eyes and also their sure knowledge that I didn’t understand. And how could I? How could anyone understand the death of their child? That’s not the way it’s supposed to happen.

The realization I’ve come to is that I’m not ever going to understand, and that’s ok. If I’m going to learn to walk in a world that is forever changed, if I’m to have any hope at all, it’s going to happen by accepting I will not always understand. Isaiah 55:8 says God’s ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts, and as simplistic as that sounds, it’s the only thing that makes sense.

Am I still grieving? Of course, I am. I will grieve the loss of my precious son for the rest of my life. And my ability to see that loss as a part of my life rather than the whole depends on the day and sometimes on the minute. I can, however, find some small measure of peace in accepting that I can’t possibly understand the ways and thoughts of God. I can only trust that He knows what He’s doing…one day, one minute at a time.

Challenge for Today: What might happen if we, just for today, accepted that we will not always understand the things that happen in our lives?

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